Crying on the treadmill

I am a bit (a lot) of a crier. A good book, a movie, an episode of Grey’s Anatomy… it doesn’t take much to get a couple of tears out of me. I enjoy the relief that comes with a good cry, and I see no point holding in the tears when being in the comfort of your own home. That last part of the sentence is pretty important, though: in your own home.

Last week however, I broke my rule, and ended up crying on the treadmill… Please allow me to illustrate how it happened.

The Story

It all started with my boyfriend being on holiday for two weeks (boy, do I feel pathetic when writing that). The weekend was fine-ish, I made some plans with friends, cleaned, cooked for the week ahead… I kept myself busy enough to distract from the fact that I may be a bit too dependent on this handsome man of mine.

Then a horribly boring week at work started. I won’t go into details here, as to not get anyone (myself) in trouble. But let’s just say it was bad. It was bad, and knowing that an empty apartment was waiting for me at the end of the day made it worse.

So on Tuesday I decided to avoid said apartment and go to the gym instead. After work, however, it didn’t seem like such a great idea anymore. Work had been alienating to say the least, and my phone kept lighting up with friends and family members requesting things from me that I didn’t feel comfortable giving. Every whatsapp message adding a drop of water into the pool where I felt like I was drowning.

I pushed myself to go to the gym anyways. “it’ll make you feel better” I told myself “Running always helps”.

The Outcome

Queue treadmill and a slightly soapy episode of Queer Eye, and the waterworks started.

The Learnings

  • Sometimes it’s ok to turn off your phone, or at least your push notifications.
  • Queer Eye should be consumed responsibly, and not when on the verge of a break down.
  • Running may make people feel emotional.
  • Doing nothing you enjoy for days and days on end WILL make you feel like shit. Blogging might make you feel better.
  • After drying your tears and finishing your run, go eat (check) and call a friend (check). Discuss the event with her “I wonder what people thought of you… Like is she ok? Does she not know how to get off the machine?” , laugh about it, feel better.

I realise this story doesn’t seem like much. Nobody died, or got ill or broke up. However sometimes the day to day can get to us and leave us, well… crying on a treadmill without really knowing why.