New Year’s Resolutions I have failed to keep

The end of the year has come and gone, and far from feeling like celebrating, or thankful that 2020 is now over, I feel very… shy… about the whole thing. Almost like I want to step into 2021 on my tippy toes, while crossing my fingers and hoping that everything works out all right. So you can see why I am not in the mood to post my new years resolutions as of now. I have made them, and they are pretty much the same as every other year (read x amount of books, run x amount of km, save x amount of money) but I don’t want to put them on the internet for everyone to turn back on and see my failures come 2022.

So instead… I thought I’d reuse this idea I had last year that never made it into a post. Every end of the year I look back onto my resolutions and check which ones I have accomplished and which ones I haven’t. And every year there’s a couple (or more) that I have failed to accomplish, and that kept being pushed to the next year and then the next one and so on, because making me feel bad about myself just once wasn’t enough, was it?

So without further ado, here is a list of my failed New Year’s Resolutions in no particular order:

1. Stop biting my nails

When I was in high school I used to bite my nails really bad. I am talking blood, little hobbit-feet hands. I tried everything: gloves, disgusting nail polish, sitting on my hands… nothing worked. Eventually school got less stressful, life got less hard, and the biting got less frequent. Now as an adult I still bring my fingers to my mouth when I am stressed, but I mostly pick at the skin around the nails instead. Visually more appealing, because you can still paint your nails and make them look pretty, but just as disgusting.

2. Run 10km

I am so not an athlete. Never have been, never will be. When I run, even if I run just 3 kilometers, I turn red, by back hurts, my arm hurts and my lungs try really hard to convince my brain that I am dying. I run even though it seems so much harder for me than for any of my friends, even though my body seems to be built fo the exact opposite of running whatever that is (weight lifting? sitting on the couch?). And why, you might ask…because I am a person with a slight case of anxiety, and unfortunately for me exercise really helps with that.

So in order to get myself into running, back in 2018, I gave myself the goal to run 5km in 30minutes, which I did, around December 20, and I felt so fu*** great, that I gave myself the goal of running 10km the year after… It’s two year later and running 10km is still part of my resolutions for 2021. And the furthest I have run in these two years is 6km… so… wish me luck? I guess?

3. Be Fluent in German

When I moved to Germany three years ago, I thought I had this one in the bag. How hard could it be? I was gonna be living in Germany. Surrounded by Germans everywhere.

And then I got a position in an English speaking company, and german friends were always busy, they had a life, childhood friends, family, boyfriends… but who was always available to hang out? English speaking immigrants. Fast forward three years and I think my German is just the same it was when I first moved here. I can talk to the waiters, the doctors, the landlords… but I cannot be myself in German, I cannot crack jokes, rapidly interrupt a conversation or pick up the phone without being terriefied… And who knows, maybe I never will.

4. Learn how to code

I currently work as a UI Designer, meaning I design how a website should look like, then hand it over to a developer to code it and put it life. Something I learnt pretty quickly after entering the job market, is that my job was always gonna be way less valued than the one the coders do. That certain start-ups would expect me to be able to design and code the damn thing (and retouch photos, edit videos and dance the macarena at the same time), and that everyone else would pay me much much less, or even expect me to work for free.

So I thought i’d teach myself how to code. I even started, put maybe 30 or 40 hours into it… and then I got a job that didn’t require it and that payed well, and I never gave coding a second thought *oops*

And now on to some honorable mentions

1. Get my drivers license (this one took me 4 years to achieve)
2. Let my friends read my short novels
3. Read X amount of books (I have solidly failed this for 5 years straight)
4. Finish the Yoga with Adriene in 30 days… maybe this year!
5. Save X amount of money – also a solid fail
6. Travel to X amount of countries this year – can you guess what year this one was a fail?
7. Move away from Munich. Yeah… still here.

Honestly after writing all of this I am asking myself why the hell do I make new years goals in the first place… But I guess I find it fun, otherwise I wouldn’t keep doing it every year. What about you? Do you usually make new years resolutions? what about this year? I would love to know ❀